Ask the Akatsuki
by Hufflepuff Ninja
Summary: Ehh, title is pretty darn selfexplainitory. Discontinued.
1. Intro

Intro: It's Ask the Akatsuki!!!! I apologize if this has been done before; I just wanted to try it out. Remember, seeing as I'm not exactly an expert on the Akatsuki, I shall be using Wikipedia if I don't know the answer. If I can't find it on Wikipedia, I'll make it up. First member to be questioned…..Dei-dei (Deidara)

I won't post the Q&A until I get at least five questions to answer.


	2. Deidara round one

Why is your hair so long? -Purplewolfstar35 

D: I like my hair this way, thanks very much, un.

Where did you get that awesome clay? -Purplewolfstar35 

D: Well, technically, it's normal clay until I infuse it with chacra, yeah. So that means that if I get really, really pissed off at you, and had access to your world, I could plant some of your little brother's play-doh in your room after I work my artistic magic on it, hide in your closet, and when you come in…BOOM! No more you, un.

Where the heck did you get those mouths? -purplewolfstar35 

D: At Wal-Mart, silly, everyone knows that, un.

Why did you join the Akatsuki? -purplewolfstar35 

D: To make a long story short, I was forced to join after Itachi beat me, yeah.

Why do the Akatsuki paint their nails? -purplewolfstar35 

D: The same reason we wear the cloaks, un. It's basically to identify ourselves as part of the group, un.

What's with the eye? -purplewolfstar35 

D:What? What's wrong with having blue-oh! Oh, you mean the other one, un? It's a scope designed for long-range observation and to counter Itachi's sharingan, hm.

WHAT ARE YOU? –Rationalized Insanity 

D: MAAAAAAN!

Why do you always say 'hm' or 'yeah' after every sentence? –KiyoshiXI 

D: Just a habit, I guess, un.

-Remember, Art is a bang!

-signed, Deidara

P.S.: Master Sasori is next up.


	3. Sasori

Questions asked by Falcon the winged sage:

1.Do you know Pinocchio?

Gawwwd, everyone in the freaking Akatsuki has asked me that question. The answer is NO, I do not know Pinno-whats-his-name! You hear that, Kakuzu? NOOO! For the last freaking time, NO!

2.Why puppets?

Well, first of all, it was what the old hag (Chiyo) taught me how to use them, and second, because they are extremely useful in combat if wielded skillfully.

3. Who's next to be a puppet?

Whoever asks me if I know Pinochio next, that's who. 

Omnomnomnomnom-linethingy-

Questions asked by Jingas Meitel:

1.Does Sasori eat, drink, or sleep?

No, Sasori does- DAMMIT, TOBI, YOU MADE ME SPEAK IN THIRD PERSON!!! EAT PUPPET, TOBI!!! –Ahem- or that stuff under the sink. I've heard it's quite tasty, like candy. Go ahead and try, Tobi, I'll wait. To answer your question, no, I don't, seeing as I am made of wood.

2.Does Sasori like polishing his puppets?

Well, shiny puppets really have no practical use in battle, so no, plus, even if I did, Kakuzu would be too freaking cheap to buy any.

3. What are Sasori's thoughts on pledge?

It has no practical use in combat, as I said above, and I lack the sense of smell required to appreciate this "lemony fresh scent" everyone keeps telling me it has, so yeah, basically useless.

4. How old were you exactly when you turned yourself into a puppet?

Truthfully, I don't remember the specific year. But it was quite a long process, actually. I had to replace flesh with wood bit by bit. Plus, installing the weapons took quite a while. I think it was somewhere in my teenage years, though.

5. What relationship did you have with Orochimaru?

Honestly, I hated his guts, even before he left. So don't be getting any stupid yaoi ideas, because it's 100 true that I hate the air he breathes. For those of you who think all of the Akatsuki are homosexual or bisexual, you are wrong. Deidara, despite the rumors, is actually a bit of a homophobe, shocking, as it may seem. He's actually quite the ladies man. I've seen him at it on missions.

Questions asked by AniMangaFrEAk19930:

Why did you have to die? T.T I like you…

Well, seeing as you have not asked me a particularly annoying question or smothered me with sugar-powered proposals for marriage, I suppose I tolerate you somewhat as well. (Holy cow, coming from Sasori, that's like saying "I love you with the passion of a thousand burning suns!") But, to answer your question, I've no idea why I had to die; all I wanted to do was take care of the nasty hag (Chiyo again) and the pink-haired brat (Sakura, duh.) so they wouldn't pollute the atmosphere with their loathsomeness. –Sarcasm floods the world-

2. How did you get along with the other members like Itachi, Kisame, or Deidara?

Okay, well, let me see…. Itachi is alright, I guess, but all he does is just sit in his room and sulk, basically. Kisame is, surprising, as it may seem, the prankster around here. He is quite the fan of putting shampoo in Deidara's morning coffee, and just last week he nailed Hidan with the bucket of water on the door trick. It was mildly amusing. (Translation from Sasori language: If I weren't made of wood, I would have wet my pants from laughter.) Of course, he was almost made into a sacrifice for Jashin. Deidara…. Deidara…What shall I say about that hyperactive, pyromaniac, deluded-about-art little pest? Oh, wait, I already said it. (Deidara: I'M NOT FKING DELUDED, OLD FART!!! HEY! HEY!! COME BACK HERE, UN!! I'M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU YET, YEAH!!) Plus, he's got a temper to rival Hidan's or Kakuzu's…

What do you think about Itachi, Kisame, Deidara, Hidan, Kakuzu, Zetzu, Leader, and Tobi?

I already answered the first three, but Hidan is, as you may have guessed is the resident loudmouth. Although, once you get past the foul language and sadomasochism and actually hang out with him for a bit, he's really not as bad as he seems. He's actually quite the comedian and a lot smarter than he lets on. Kakuzu, by contrast, is exactly as he seems. He's a greedy, hot tempered, perpetually angry scrooge. I've heard rumors, though, that he has an uncanny talent for playing the tuba. Zetzu, when he's not vegetating in the lawn, is vegetating in front of the TV, on the roof, in Hidan's sock drawer, or making midnight emergency runs to Kentucky Fried Humans, AKA, wherever Deidara blasted a city in his last fit of rage. Leader…. ahem…. -shifty eyes and abnormally loud voice- L-Leader is the best! He couldn't be better! -Whispers- be careful what you ask about Leader-sama, this whole lair is rigged with microphones and cameras. Tobi, despite occasionally MAKING ME SPEAK IN THIRD PERSON, is okay, I suppose. He is a massive goof, though.

Questions asked by Purplewolfstar35:

(The rant at the beginning was quite hard to put into a question form, so…. the answer from Sasori danna is a mildly weirded-out no. Sorry, but fangirls gotta have their dreams, right?)

Why did you turn yourself into a puppet? Life's no fun that way.

I turned myself into a puppet, simply put, to become closer to my puppets. Plus, the fact that I can now actually shoot flames out of my hands is quite fun. See, Deidara's not the only one who burns things to a crisp when he's bored. I sometimes do it when there's absolutely nothing to do around the lair.

Why did you wear Hiruko around for like…ever? It was weird.

Hiruko is a very good puppet, though, I admit, not the most aesthetically pleasing of my collection. But, I mean, hey, it's pretty roomy in there.

How do you turn people into puppets?

I'm really pretty sure you don't want me to go into details…. but I basically remove their organs, preserve the rest of them, add poison and weapons, and then voila, a brand-new battle puppet!

Question asked by KiyoshiXI:

How do you make your puppets? I tried to make some in art class but only managed to make a lump of wood.

Well, I don't make puppets out of wood anymore, though my earlier works were mostly made of wood. I use dead bodies, mostly of those I have defeated in battle. If you do really want to make puppets, don't be discouraged if your first one is a failure. It takes many years of practice and training. Keep trying.

(Puppet Queen Yuki's question was so disturbing to Sasori that he left the interview table without a word and ran into the door about five times before realizing it was closed and then left the room in a daze. Good thing the questions are over.)

(Author's note: I FINALLY put up the Sasori chapter….you're welcome. I was lucky enough to catch Sasori on a chatty day. Everyone's favorite Jashinist is up next. Oh, and I REALLY don't see the need to put a disclaimer here, but…. If I owned Naruto, I wouldn't be wasting my time on a FANfiction site, would I?)


	4. list

(No, this is not actually a chapter, but I think I should lay out the order of the members that are going to be questioned…

1. Deidara

2. Sasori

3. Hidan

4. Kakuzu

5. Itachi

6. Tobi

7. Kisame

8. Leader

9. Konan

10. Zetzu

11. Orochimaru ((although I don't think the filthy deserter should be questioned as an Akatsuki member. No offence to all you Orochimaru fans…))

You may also use reviews for this chapter to point out specific quotes you found especially amusing instead of posting up question. This would help me figure out what approaches towards humor are working.)


End file.
